February 12, 2008

  • Can I say that I'm scared to get married.  This goes beyond "cold feet", I think I have frost bite!  In a way I know a lot will change in my life, but I'm unsure of what changes are in store that I start overthinking things.  I get even more anxious with so many of my friends getting divorced after being married for so long, it makes me wonder how my own relationship and marriage will be any different. 

    Does anybody every really feel truly ready for marriage? 

    As the months slip away I feel more and more trapped for some reason.  Even planning this thing isn't positive in any way.  At times I feel like just having the ceremony with the both of us, minister and witness - no family.  Then I start thinking, would it be so bad to just live together and not get married at all.  It's like this whole wedding event thing is sucking the life out of me and I am despising it.  I'm not a party or event person, and I feel it so much right now.

    Right now I just want a break from it all, not even think about it.  Weddings are SO EVIL!!!!

Comments (8)

  • then can I ask the obvious question: why do it if you see a disaster coming? Is it really that necessary?...

  • A marriage always ask sacrifice from both parties for the sake of the relationship. If anyof the two is not willing to make that sacrifice the marriage is doomed to have difficulties. If you are unsure talk to you partner and explain that you need more time. You will probably never feel ready because for you marriage is the unknown. Marriage will require from you to adapt and change. The question is not about how at ease you feel but what is your and your partner's level of commitment. Both must be 100 percent commited to make the marriage work. If that commitment is not there then it is best to call a halt to the marriage. It is a difficult time...take care

  • I think you should go with your gut feeling. Perhaps living together will help to either alleviate your misgivings or show you more of what you already feel. Marriage should never feel forced or stressful before it's even happened.

    Its a lot harder to leave once in rather than just wait a little longer to make sure its best for you.

  • Dear Liz,

    I asked Pat three times to marry me. Third time was the "third strike". I asked you to live with me but you seemed to be shocked when I proposed the matter. You told me you wanted to live in your own home and I believe your plan was to inherit it someday.

    I don't even know who you're marrying. Nick? Roberto? Somebody else? (I hope it's Nick. You had a lot of history with him.)

    Knowing how you feel about "tradition" I can see why you're not looking forward to this. BTW, I don't even know if you're inviting me. I'm still wondering why you didn't mention this bit of news to me when we last talked, but again, knowing you, and reading this entry about your trepidation, it doesn't really surprise me.

    I'm an old man and will probably never get married. I've been mulling this over because I plan on buying a house in the next couple of years, and will probably get a small one, just for me. But then as this news of yours proves, nobody can really plan on anything solidly.

    Happy Valentine's Day. I wish you a fulfilling future with your hubby.

    Michael F.Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool

  • Dear Liz,

    Forgot the mini. Got lots of "credits' to spend these days. Don't know whether it's becuase I'm "TRUE" or "LIFE" or both.

    Michael F.Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool

  • I can only imagine that this is normal.  I don't think that a period of second guessing is enough to call off the whole thing. If that is the case, then it should be called off.  Only you can know in your heart of hearts if it's more than just frustrations with wedding planning responsibilities combined with pre-marriage commitment gitters or something on that level, or if it's something more.  I think it's actually smart to second guess, to reevaluate to be sure - all life altering decisions deserve such introspection.  The fact that you are second guessing doesn't necessarily imply it's the wrong move.

  • i think it's the planning that gets people. they make it so big when in reality it is very simple. i don't think it would be much different to live without the marriage serimony if you were going to live forever with the person anyway.

  • RYC: You certainly can; 'cuz without you, that post would not be even made :)

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